Today I started thinking, which I intend to do alot. I know it is a cliché saying but I think it is important to take chances. And I think that you should take alot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with who, it always ends up the way it should be. Your mistakes make you into the person you are. You learn and grown with each choice you make.
The past couple of weeks I have really learned to be happy with myself and happy with the decisions that I make. It is the first time in a long time that I am making decisions after what I want. A lot of people ask me why I decided not to go to America, but the thing is, I wouldn't be able to make a life there and a home for myself. I think after this turbulent year, with everything that I have been through, I completely lost my comfort zone. I have lost family, a boyfriend and with that many friends. It has really been a 360 degree change for me. But I decided when I was at my lowest, that I didn't like having my life that way. I decided that when it comes down to it, it is only me who can do something about it and I only have myself. I think I have depended alot on people being there for me. But then there comes a point when you realize that you not only lost in this world, but also in yourself. And that ladies and gentlemen, only you yourself can fix.
That is why I decided to take a big look at my life and decide what was the most important thing in my life right now. And to me, finding my own boat to float on and finding my own independent grounds and for the first time in my life, making my very own home. So after getting the job I have strived for, making the decision to move to Stockholm, a new city with new people (even though I will still have all of my Uppsala friends) and getting my very own home, I feel so proud of myself. I am so happy now days, I finally feel like I am Stina again. I haven't felt like myself this entire year. But for the first time in my life, I feel like I am walking on the right path. I feel like I have a plan, and it is my very own plan. A plan that I have made and a plan that I am following. I am finally starting to feel grounded.
That is why I am writing this post, to remind everyone that goes through the rough times, that you do not need to have everything figured out. You do not need to know exactly what it is that you want, because it will work out. You just need to take control of yourself, in your very own way. Only then will you be truly happy, when you are true to yourself. Be who you want to be, not who everyone wants or think you should be. I am so excited for the next upcoming months and the year 2013, because I know this will be the year when I really mature into the adult that I want to be. It is the tools you have in your back pack that gets you to the top of the mountain. And it is safe to say that after this year, I am ready for any kind of weather! :)
