Thursday, January 5, 2012

a little different, something right.

This is the year of the unknown. This is the year of the future. This is the year for goals. This is the year for new things.
What this new year reminded me of was that things are always changing. Nothing ever stays the same. It is impossible. Things may be one way here and one way there. But never the same.
The last couple of days I have really deepend into the bottom of my soul. My inner thoughts. My third eye. I have been at my summer place, in the middle of nowhere, to clear my thoughts. I really want to make this year THE YEAR. But how do you make something "the year"? where do you start? Well that is what I have been doing for 4 days. I have been meditating, I have been doing yoga, I have showered and bathed, I have read books, I have drank loads of tea. I haven't had a bite to eat. Not because I want to starv but because I don't want to feel anything else than my feelings and thoughts. What it has made me realize is that life is passing you by everyday. Faster than you think. Even on days when you feel like you have done nothing, just laying around the tv or cuddling up with someone. But I can literally say I have done NOTHING, but it has been the best and most fulfilling couple of days. I have listened to my thoughts in a whole new way. I have written pages and pages in my diary, probably over 30 pages by now, because constantly things are coming to me. But it really is the only time when you give yourself, the time to spend just with yourself. I feel as if I have gotten alot of more answers the couple of days than I have in months. I see things more clear. From others perspective, but more my own. When I now realized how little i knew about my own feelings, I realize how important it is to take time for yourself.
You may seek help from your friends and people around you, but then answer is always within yourself. People may tell you how you should do things. But that doesn't mean you should. It may be their way of dealing with things, it may be their way of looking at things. But each individual are different. You have your way of looking at things, that is what defines you. That is what makes you "you".
At the moment I am at a very lifechanging event in my life. And as long or short this road may be, it is a road I need to take by myself. Because only I have my answers.
I know I am making decisions now that will effect alot of relationships around me, my spring semester and my future. But as it lays in my heart, I have made decisions that can only be right. Maybe not make sense to people, but will bring clarity to me.