I have gotten som really amazing email the past couple of weeks from people giving some really positive feedback on my "Good Morning with Stiniwini" videos, and I am so grateful for all your words. Just as much as I inspire you, you all inspire me with your kind and special words. I have saved all your letters, so that I can make a little ego-boost book, that I can read when I need a little extra boost. :)
However, there are a few questions that are quite similar that I have recieved in majority of the letters, and it is something that I have been thinking alot about lately and even wrote in my diary just the other day.
Today is Valentines Day, my favorite day of the year. However, this time last year was the time when my definition for love changed completely, the day when my world came crumbeling in. Or at least when it all began. But here I am one year later, a whole new person.
I think I have always been a happy and positive person. But when I look back the past couple of years, it is safe to say that I haven't been as close to as happy as I am today. There is a big difference in being a positive and open-minded person and being genuinely happy.
This year has really taught me that happiness is a mind set, it is something that you choose to be. It is something I have chosen to be, to push through everything that has happened.
One year ago, I had lost everything. But I had one thing, I had one great love. One person that I dedicated my heart, soul and life to. I thought it was all I needed to be happy, to survive and get on with life. But neglecting everything else that was going on around me, and smiling through it all, only hit me later. It always does. But losing alot of important people and grounds in my life made me look at my self, my life and everything and everyone in it. I decided who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do and who I want with me along side my upcoming journeys. And months later, I have really sorted out the people in my life that don't give any energy. I don't need a friend that emotionally supports me through things, I have my shrink to that, I need people that show their admiration for me, give me energy to help me pursue all my dreams. Because I have so much energy stored up in my body, and I continuously try to give as much as I possibly can at all times to people that I am around, because I am hoping to get it back in return.
Just a few months ago, I had no energy left and that is when I then one day woke up and said "enough" and it was the best decision I have ever done, and it is why I am here today doing what I am doing.
It is not that I hold any grudges towards anyone, it is just that I have started to value myself alot more and I have learned that life and time is precious, so I waste it wisely. I waste it doing what I love, doing things my way. Not doing things because it is the right things to do, or because people think it's what's best for me.
Only I know what is best for me, and most of the times not even I know that, but then I just go with my gut feeling, and either it goes really well, or I fail big time. But at least it was MY decision.
You can't depend your happiness and comfort on anyone else. That's what many people do when they are in a relationship. I thought I was so happy and in love with Henrik. The day when we broke up, I thought that I would never find happiness in such way again. But the beautiful thing is, I have. Just this time, I have really found it in myself, and that is something that will last forever. I have learned that you really can't love another person if you don't love yourself. And I haven't. I have always had a very unbalanced life, which gave me a great insecurity in my life, because I didn't have anyone to really count on. But what I didn't understand was, that all I needed was to have security in myself, and know that I could count on myself. Today, I have learned my weaknesses and my strengths, and I know how to work with them in order to be the best Stina I possibly could be.
That is why I am writing this, because for the first time in my life, it is safe to say that it is the most whole-rounded happy I have ever been. Because I do everything I want to do, in my very own way.
I do everything I want to do, and I am pursuing everything I want to pursue. I have gotten such a strong motivation and determination to succeed with my goals. But most importantly I have gotten a confident in myself, that I have never had before. A confident that will get me where I want to go, and live the life I want to live. I think you need to loose yourself completely, to be able to re-build a whole new person, a person that you molded yourself completely, and not through help of someone else. This is how I pursued happiness, by sorting out the people that gave me the time of day and motivation to become the Stina I am today. People that want to be apart of your life, will make sure that they are. It's really that simple.
That is why I am specially thankful for all the amazing friends I have around the world on this very specific day. You are all my valentines :)