Saturday, November 3, 2012


As she felt her heart racing, faster than ever before. It wasn't only a fast heartbeat, it was a hard beat. She didn't recognize it; it wasn't fear, it wasn't anxiety, it was more peaceful, but so unbearable. 
As she sat down on her couch and took a deep breathe, she heard the door bell. She couldn't bare to stand up at first, but then the door bell rang again. She knew she had to open, even though she knew what was waiting for her on the other side of the door. As she slowly reached the door and opened it slowly, she saw his face. His face was the most familiar face in the world. She knew every little spot on his face, every line that revealed his emotions. Only this time, there were no longer any emotions across his face. His big brown beautiful reindeer eyes met hers. Her heartbeat was slower than it had ever been, just a few hard and painful beats. She knew from the second their eyes met that it was game over. She knew, she had lost him. she couldn't hug him, she couldn't even say anything, she just guided him to her bed and they sat down. The silence had crowded the apartment. It was as if someone had pressed mute. They sat down and he held her right hand and played with her silver ring, which he always did when he was trying to find words to express something difficult. Then finally the silence broke and he uttered the words "I have been thinking and I finally know what I want..." She realized that there was no point in fighting for it any longer, she had failed and she  could only surrender. She could only say "I agree..." 
They didn't say much, they just held each other tightly. She wrapped herself around him, with both her legs and arms, a doublehug that she always used to give him when the boy needed a little extra love, strength or just a little extra dose of happiness. She hugged him as tight has she possibly could. So tight that she could feel their heartbeats join one and other. She knew this was maybe the last doublehug she would give him. As she hugged him, the years of their time together just flew past her. Everything from the night he had looked into her eyes asking to be her boyfriend, to nights where they had watched the stars in the desert to just an average night baking or just laying and staring at each other. She felt her heart start racing and her nose starting to tingle, she hugged even tighter, thinking it would help to fight back the tears. She knew she needed to be strong for him now.  Looking into those sad beautiful brown/hazelnut eyes, she could see the pain he was struggling to hold back. 
As  the corner of his eyes filled with tears, her heart tore right down the middle. She hated those sad reindeer eyes, there was nothing worse. So she did what she did best; made him smile.