Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My words of wisdom about love and happiness, and everything inbetween.

Today something very interesting hit me.
Alot of my close friends have broken up with their boyfriends and girlfriends the past couple of weeks. And today something rather funny hit me. Before I used to be walking around and thinking about my break up, and being upset and thinking about Henrik and bla bla bla... I would talk to my friends about it and ask for advice, but we all know that we only make problems and irritations to have a reason to talk about our exs. Because on some twisted society level it is rather shameful to still be hung up on someone.
But the truth is, it is all about accepting what you are feeling. 
Everybody seems to think it is some kind of a race "Who's winning the break up? " NO ONE! It's not a race?! Yes, you can date and hook up with new people. But when it all comes down to it, it's only how you develop as an individual after it. How you deal with it. How you face your own feelings. And most importantly, how you learn to stand up again...
Somewhere between being angry and lonely, you try to force yourself to feel things, because everyone is expecting you to push forward and move on. 

A break up is the worst thing you could possibly go through. Seriously! I would much rather have my boyfriend die, because then at least he is gone and you can't do anything about it. You just have to accept it.
The tricky part is having the person still in your life, except that they are no longer in it. They are in your surrounding, they are in your friends circle, they are in your life. Yet, you no longer have any connection with them. Because the connection you once had, is no longer there. 
But it is there, you just pretend it isn't. That is what we all need to realize; just because you move on, doesn't mean the love does.
You may not be in love, but the existence of the love is forever there. Because if you once loved someone, shared every little bit about your life; every second,  every thought, every laughter and every pain, you are connected. Because you shared something that you will never be able to share shared with anyone else. That's the beautiful part. 
And it kills me when I see my friends trying to deny it. Denying what they are feeling, denying what they once had with their certain someone.
 I know what I am talking about, because just a couple of weeks ago I felt the same way. 
However, that one day when I realized what I was doing wrong and stopped lying to myself, I realized my true honest feelings. It was a major relief on my heart, but more importantly my sanity, because I could finally stop thinking about it.

I no longer need to constantly be wondering what went wrong? When am I going to stop thinking about us/ him? When will I stop loving him??
Today,  I may only think of Henrik one or twice in a day. But when he does pop into my head, I no longer get upset or angry. I get happy. Because I get a warm feeling that passes through my entire body. And that warm feeling is the remaining love that I still have for him.
It reminds me of the amazing times I have had with him and the amazing feelings we once felt for one and other.
So instead of having him in my thoughts every second of every day, giving me major headache. I have learned to accept my feelings. I stopped trying to force myself to move on. I have finally accepted that I have moved on 90%, but that it is also okay for me to still feel the remaining 10%.
If you think about it... It would be pretty sad if all the love I once felt, went away completely. Because then I would definitely question myself "Why were we even together for that long?" If only after a few months after our break up I would feel completley nothing for the man. 

I think this is why I am so genuinly happy nowdays. Because I know what I feel, and I know that one day I will be proud that I never gave up on my last remaining 10 %. Because they will be my 10% of wisdom that I will carry on in the next chapters of my life. 

So seriously, the best advice I can give anyone, that feel heartbroken, lonely, lost and confused; Is just to stop trying to force it. Be proud of your feelings, be proud of your tears. CRY!!! LOVE!!! HATE!!! But whatever you do, never ignore what your heart is telling you. Talk to your friends about how much you love him, or a funny memory or the nice things he did that you miss. Yea, they will get sick of you!  But they are your friends, they should listen to you. And not only when you are nagging and talking shit about someone. I would much rather have a friend being honest about their pain and showing their desireable feelings for someone, because it proves that they can be vulnerable and it also shows that they are capable of becoming stronger than they have ever been.