Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Learning fly.

Cutting someone out of your life is by far the hardest thing. How is it even possible? Why would you even want to do such a thing?
Well the thing about it, is that it can only get better from now. After years of sharing your inner thoughts and feelings with someone, every minute of every day, just cutting them out is the only way to get used to new habits. It is so easy falling back into the same habits that you are used to with someone whom it has come so naturally with over the years. It hurts and you feel completely empty, like you have forgotten something at home. Like when you leave your wallet at home and you feel like you have left something, but you can't really figure out what is you have forgotten but the feeling is just there until you have to pay something and you open your bag to find that your wallet isn't there.

I am not comparing a relationship or a significant other with a wallet, but it is kind of how it is when you are trying to get over someone. You have gotten so used to always having your wallet in your bag, but then one day you took your wallet out of your bag when you were at home for some reason, and just didn't put it back and then you have to rush out of the door to see a friend and forget the wallet. Same with relationships, it doesn't hit you that they are gone in the beginning, you just have that feeling that something is missing. Then one day when you have a big news to share, your first instinct will be to tell them, and all of a sudden you turn to your right to jump into their arms and tell them the news, but there is no one there. That is the hard part. The hard part of realizing that you are alone.

But instead of getting upset about it. You open your eyes and realize that you have about 100 of other people to share this fantastic news with. Friends and family to pat you on the back. But most importantly, you have yourself. I think that is what I am taking an advantage of right now. Learning to be alone. It is so frightening at first, but I have to if I want to survive. I don't really have a very secure family to back me up, and I depended a lot on Henrik throughout the year for being my emotional support. But now, I have to be strong for myself. I have to lift myself back up. Not always look for someone to give me a helping hand. Being secure with yourself and independent is something that every one needs to be, but I can tell you I have never been independent, because I have never had to. Until today and I can't wait to see what the next upcoming months will bring me. I am strong as an eagle, I just need to get these wings working so that I can jump of this cliff and start flying!